Sunday, August 31, 2014

The Addams Family

It's funny how brains work. An example? 

Last night, I was talking to the Sidekick about the items we brought to the Treasure Shack. There's an online login where you can track the things you're trying to sell through them. For some inexplicable reason, this made me think of The Addams Family, the first movie to be exact. I remembered the scene where Morticia is looking for items to donate to the auction for orphans and seniors. So, I tell the Sidekick about it, laughing because I have always found it incredibly funny, and he's listening, but thinking I'm a little crazy. 

Tonight, we've put the film on, and it is brilliant. 

That might seem like a bold statement, but I stand by it. There are too many laughs to count and the brilliancy is in the details and dialogue, like when Morticia is at the employment office and the subject of Gomez comes up. 

The personnel officer says, "What is he - a loafer? A hopeless layabout? A shiftless dreamer?" 

Morticia replies wistfully, "Not anymore." 

It's solid gold. All of it. The whole movie. We could all take a lesson from the Addams family. They love each other unconditionally, not despite their oddities, but because of them. They don't expect each other to change. And they embrace their weird. They let their freak flags fly ... high! Don't we all have a little macabre in us?  

Also, this movie takes me back to when I was a little kid. I used to rent it all the time. It's one of those films that have withstood the test of time. 

What are some films from your youth that you still love to watch? 

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Ending The Week

This week, and the month itself, has been exhausting, both mentally and physically. As it draws to a close, I am comforted by thoughts of sleeping soundly and sipping tea on the porch listening to the crickets and smelling the salty air. 

Since I have the next two days off, I will be hunkering down and healing. It's a process. 

To brighten spirits, I will tell you a quick story. 

In preparation for the upcoming final season of Sons of Anarchy, we are rewatching season six. It really wasn't the best ever, but I have been finding myself cringing at Gemma. So, I says to the Sidekick, "Gemma's hair is terrible." 

And the Sidekick replies, "She looks like Rob Zombie." 

So, I laughed, and made this for comparison. 

Friday, August 29, 2014

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Reach Out

It's strange how sometimes all it takes is a 'hello'. A 'how are you'. An 'are you okay?'. 

I wish we could have tea. I'd bake us lemon cake. We could spend the afternoon in the sun, laughing and talking about what-ifs and what-was. There is a beach to scavenge. Mountains to gaze at. Seashells and sand dollars to collect. 

Bring your boots, for it gets muddy out there. If you are feeling particularly daring, we can go barefoot in the water. It's warmer near the shore. Hands can be held. Hugs can be given. And I will tell you stories. The ones you don't know. About my childhood. I will listen to yours. Soaking up the information you share. The knowledge you pass along. The emotions we both have. Perhaps we will bond over how human we are. You will tell me your secrets and your greatest loves and deepest worries. And I will tell you not to worry, to continue to love, and devour your secrets with my own. 

Come play with me. Feel the wind in your hair. The warmth of the sun on your cheeks. Hear the crickets. Smell the salty ocean and listen to it lap along the shore. There are birds, big and small, herons and eagles, sparrows and ravens. There are walks for us to take. Adventures for us to have. Nature is calling our names. 

Hello.  How are you? Are you okay?

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Wordy Wednesday - For My Friend Bennetts

Dear M.M. Bennetts,

When all is said and done, the circumstances of death don't really matter, but there is a relief knowing you went in your sleep. At home. In your bed. With the people you love near you. Peacefully, they say. And I know in your heart you felt the love everyone had for you.

This witchcraftery of the internet is a remarkable thing. It brought us together. It brought a lot of us crazy writers. And somehow it allowed us to bond, to develop friendships, and to relate to one another. Though our interactions existed only online, they are remembered with a fondness and an admiration on my part you might not have fully understood. 

Through 2012 we talked about how weary the direction 'up' can be. And how forward is such a monumental task. Separated by oceans and trees and bills and real life family and complications of a greater nature, we never existed beyond here. Beyond this virtual reality that a lot of people refuse to validate and consider 'real life'. But I fell in love with you. A person I have never met. I look up to you still. And I gain strength from your words and encouragement from your actions. 

A lot of people won't understand this void I am feeling over the fact that you aren't here anymore. Well, not in the physical. You will always be here. Inside us. Inside me. We talked about eating cakey and taking walks. I wanted to come visit, to share with you the haunts you described, but life certainly gets in the way of our bigger and better plans, doesn't it? 

Still, I had you for a moment, and boy does that moment feel so short right now. 

Out of everything we ever spoke about (dogs (dolliwollies, to you) horses, goals, love, life, fathers, and cake, all the cake) there is one thing I will always remember.  It was part of a bigger paragraph. A deeper conversation about goals. Small ones. But it was simple truth and beautiful in its directness. And you said: 

Sometimes, the road ahead is just so much road. 

This has popped into my head at trying times over the last two years. Times when getting up and out and actually doing something seemed terribly exhausting. But today it is the chime in my heart, ringing out and reminding me there is a lot of road, until there is no more road at all. 

It is Wordy Wednesday. 

The word: Melancholy

It is not unknown. It is not one I just learned. And it certainly isn't as fancy as the other selections have been. Still, it aptly describes my state of being. 

Wherever you go, Bennetts, continue to shine. Burn bright. Be fabulous and furious. Maintain the wit and humour everyone adored. Keep creating. And if you cross Napoleon's path, give him hell. 

Lots of love, 


The Boots. Always.

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Quentin Tarantino Can't Act

He needs to stop 'acting' in his films. Actually, in all films. He needs to stop appearing in any movie, commercial or anything that has him speaking.

And I put 'acting' in quotes because I can't be certain that's what he is doing at all. He definitely isn't adding anything to the quality of the film or plot in any way. In fact, I will even go so far as to say he ruins any scene he appears in, no matter how big or small. Stilted, stiff, cookie cutter characters with horrible accents, at least that's what I assume he was trying to do in Django, who have the emotional range of a mop and the facial expressions to match.

I can't tell you why this popped into my head this evening. All I know is I haven't been able to get over the atrocity of his cameo in Django. It might be forgivable if this was the first time, but it wasn't. The truth is, he's been bringing down the quality of films since 1992. Yes, I am talking about Reservoir Dogs, and no, I don't think there was anything redeeming about Mr. Brown. The rest of the cast was golden which is why this movie will always be considered a classic. Sadly no one wants to talk about how horrible the 'Like A Virgin' speech was at the beginning because it was so iconic. Yes, it can be wonderful and terrible at the same time. The writing was great and if there was another actor playing Mr. Brown, it would probably be the best opening scene to any movie ever. Unfortunately, Tarantino's inability to deliver a believable line makes it less so, if not a bit on the tedious side.

Maybe one day we will talk about this guy's ego, but I don't have enough words, time, or energy to harness my sheer annoyance over the man to sit down and write about it. That said, I genuinely love his films, but he's not doing anything new. The man knows how to make a great film. He just needs to give credit to everyone he's ripping off.

How did we get on this subject? I don't know. Goodnight.

Painful to watch, no?

Monday, August 25, 2014

Bruce Is Comfortable

Moves are hard on everyone, but more so on pets because they just don't understand what's happening. This move wasn't Bruce's first move, more like his twelfth. Still, I figured it'd take some time for him to settle in. When we moved to the little place in Cumberland, it took a couple weeks before he spent any significant amount of time outside. And he never really hung out with us in the living room.

Judging by his lounging out on the porch and lazing inside with us, I can assume he likes the new place. Here is my photographic evidence. Tell me what you think, but please don't comment on his weight, he's very sensitive about it.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Great Expectations

It's been awhile since we've chatted about anything serious, so I'm making a point to put a bit of substance here. This isn't only for you, either. Writing my thoughts out helps order them, thus making them more concise and less confusing to myself. The fun stuff can be entertaining, but aren't most of us here to learn and grow? I certainly am. The last twenty years of my life has involved some serious growth, internally and externally. Yes, there have been missteps, mistakes, and miscalculations, but for the most part, I've been diligent about finding the light and embracing love.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not quite the ray of sunshine or shard of rainbow that I'd love to be. There are some days I am the epitome of grumpy and I get disappointed and sad and angry too. In fact, I probably experience at least one, if not all three, of those emotions every single day of my life. But I have goals. And I am working towards letting my baggage go, because the wheels on one of the bags are shot and the other one's a rucksack and carrying it around on my back all the time is starting to mess with my posture.

I once heard nothing really matters as long as you keep moving forward. So, that's what I'm doing. And I make a point of checking-in with myself and making sure I'm still on the right path. I am trying my best to carry the light within. And I am also trying to love freely, myself and all of you as well, without demanding too much of either of us.

Here is where expectations enter.

In my most humble of opinions, expectations are for the birds. Meaning, they are pointless and, if I'm being honest, counterproductive to the whole happiness thing. Expecting things from someone else seems to unfair, especially since expectations often come without vocalization. Expectations come with an unrealistic amount of expectation. Confusing, right? You betcha. It's so befuddling that we expect people to know what our expectations are. On top of not actually telling people what we want and need, we also overlook the fact that these people also have lives of their own, their own struggles, and their own wants and needs. And, sadly, their own expectations as well.

Are you fulfilling all of the expectations people have of you? An even better question is, are you fulfilling all the expectations you have of yourself? I am guessing the answer is no. At least, not all of them. So, if you can't live up to your own expectations, how can you expect it of others?

I am of the firm belief that people come into our lives for different reasons and will give us what we need if we allow them to. In the grand scheme of things, we are here to help each other out, to lend support, and provide one another mental, physical and emotional stimulation. Sure, there are yahoos and nimrods along the road who try to throw a wrench in the spanner of our journey to find happiness and enlightenment, but they are far and few between. And as we meet on the path of life, we have to understand that not every person is going to fulfill all our needs and wants. One person might pick us up when we fall down and another might deliver the tough love we need when we're being foolish.

Not every relationship is the same and we need to be aware what our friends and family members individually provide us. The key is not to expect of them something they are not capable of giving. It make take awhile to figure out what it is you get from the people in your lives, or what they are there to give you, but once you do puzzle it out, you probably will find the need for expectations diminishes, and eventually you are only holding one person accountable - yourself.

From my experiences, expectations are the leading cause of disappointments. Sure, it seems cynical, but we constantly set ourselves up to be let down because we demand unrealistic things from people we love. What a predicament.  Simply put, people change, relationships change, dynamics change and life is tiring. At any given time, you are not the only one going through a rough patch, or in need of help. I can safely say, someone you know could use a break and a little love right this very minute.

For the most part, we are all exhausted and struggling and broke and dealing with the chaos of living. So, let's take away the added pressure of expectations. After all, isn't it more heartwarming to have someone give a little love unexpectedly? Doesn't it feel more rewarding when it comes with out demands or expectation?

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Same Old

It feels as if every time I sit down to write to you all I can think about is how tired I am. Those kinds of posts are getting tedious. Promise this will be the last one to mention how incredibly exhausted I am for at least a month or two. This is a tall promise, but I anticipate doing nothing for the next quarter of the year. If anyone asks, I am taking the Fall off from any form of physical labour, asides working (because I've gots ta pay the bills, y'all).

So, we have officially moved. Goodbye, small blue house in cute little village. Hello, retro home in the heart of a sweet hamlet. I am nearly ocean front with a mountain view and, after only five nights sleeping here, am in love. Not everything is perfect, but there are perfect parts, and that's really all I can ask for.

There are things I want to tell you. Thoughts I have been pondering. Blogs I have been mulling over as I drive, walk, pack, unpack, lift, clean, bake and create. There is a wealth of information share, like moments and events and, most importantly, recipes. And I have deep revelations I want to talk out, mostly great expectations and being beautiful. The problem has been time management, which mostly has come down to me not having any extra time to manage. Between work, moving, and trying to help out with my boss' surprise birthday party, I haven't had a moment to sit down and chat.

This is why I am happy to report the craziness is drawing to a close.

Almost all the things are done.

Tomorrow I will hit you with something with a little more length, a bit deeper and, perhaps, some sort of moral or life lesson I have learned. Until then, here is a selfie I took in my car today. Sometimes I get bored and make faces.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Wordy Wednesday

So, I am starting to seriously love Wednesdays. I start thinking about them in advance. Sorting through all the delightful words I love to say, new and old. Sometimes I even do research online. I read blogs and articles about words, the ones other people love and obscure ones that aren't used anymore. There are so many words out there and it saddens me a bit that I will never know them all. It's actually impossible. Just because my brain only holds so much. 

Today's word isn't a rare gem unearthed by exploring the online Thesaurus. Still, it's fun to say and hear. 

The word: Bamboozle

This little beauty means to trick or fool someone, usually through mischievousness, flattery or trickery. Apparently this word has been stumping etymologists for a very long time because the origins are unknown. The only thing word enthusiasts are certain of is that it lowborn people used it in their lexicons and it was once considered a form of slang. 

Call me common, but I think this word, both in structure and meaning, is perfection. In all its forms. To bamboozle. To excel at bamboozling. Or to be bamboozled. And for those who are professional bamboozlers, maybe they are bamboozlists? Okay, those last two aren't really words, but maybe one day they will be. Perhaps I can switch professions and become a bamboozler. 

For some reason, whenever I hear this word, I think of an old timey circus. The old games, like ring toss and darts, the striped jackets, wing tipped shoes and bowler caps. I think of bearded ladies, knife throwing, and contortionists. It's strange what becomes linked in  your head. 

Now pass me some popcorn. 

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

These Are My Legs

Moving has done a number on my legs.

Bruised and battered.

If anyone saw these gams, I bet they'd think I was in an abusive relationship.

Fear not world.

Sometimes I wonder if I simply bruise easily or if there's something wrong with me. There are those people who bruise quickly and it's because of an illness. I'm always the girl with the cuts and bruises. A snag in her sweater. Stain on her dress.

I'm like the female version of pigpen.

Monday, August 18, 2014


Dear friendly readers, and not so friendly readers,

So, I missed two days of blogging. I am sure I was greatly missed. And while this failure is all in my head, because I'm the one who decided to do a 365 Day Blogging Challenge and really no one is paying attention, I can honestly say this was entirely out of my control. I have literally had zero free seconds for me to sit down and write to you. You can tell how serious I am by the amount of adverbs I'm using.

Trust me when I say, I would have rather spent my time hanging out here with you, writing witty things and holding your hand, laughing over fond memories and swapping amazing cake recipes. This wasn't the case because I have been on the go since Saturday morning at 5:20 AM. As an aside, I used to get up to go to work at four and I cannot fathom how I did that for nearly five years. 5:20 AM felt very close to an uncomfortable form of torture.

In the last three days, I've been to the mainland, gone to a wedding, cried my eyes out, taken two ferries, moved house, set up house, and sweated more than any one person ever should. I seem to think I stink, even post shower. It's been a mentally and physically exhausting weekend. Yesterday, I actually thought I had never been so tired in my life. Not an exaggeration.

Our programming will return to its regular schedule as of today.

Yay for routine. Maybe.

Xox Tee

Friday, August 15, 2014

Welcome To The 70's

As some of you may know, I'm moving ... again. It's a source of contention. Not because I hate moving but ... no, wait. I hate moving. That's exactly why. Also because I thought my next move would be into my forever home. Sadly, not the case.

While I can focus on the negative, let me state the ten things I am happy about with this move.

  1. Screens on the windows means no more mosquito bites in the middle of the night.
  2. No more ants, hopefully. Our current dwelling has had an ant problem since we moved in. They are walking across the telephone line. In hoards. No sugar in the cupboards. Nothing sweet left open. Those things are resilient and determined. The new place doesn't seem to have an infestation. So, fingers crossed.
  3. Goodbye oven. And by oven, I mean bedroom. The addition the landlords built on our current place is so tiny, with three windows and it gets sunshine all day long. It's beyond stifling up there in the summer. Truthfully, we haven't turned the heat on upstairs since we moved in over a year and a half ago, not even in the winter. All the windows are open right now, which means mosquitoes getting in, because there are no screens on the window. Maybe I should mention number one again. 
  4. More room. While the place I am currently inhabiting is kind of adorable, it's also small and missing such things as a linen closet, a place to put our coats, and enough space to fit all my clothing. The new home has an abundance of space, including a spare room, where you will be staying if you ever come and visit. 
  5. No more killer stairs. So, I guess the people who put the staircase in the old place didn't give a crap it was on such a severe angle that it was actually considered dangerous. Oliver, that amazing dog we all know and love couldn't go down it because he'd tumble down them. I honestly thought he was going to break his neck one day. Instead of risking his life, we decided to carry him up and down the lethal stairs. Oh, and he's not light. Despite his low-rider status, the little man is packing some serious pounds. 
  6. Things you take for granted, a bedroom door. There's this cat who lives with us named Bruce. Yes, he's cute. Yes, he's lovely. Yes, he also like to pull your hair by the root when he wants you to wake up and feed him. For a year and a half, we've been living without a bedroom door, which means we haven't been able to kick him out and sleep peacefully past sunrise for the same amount of time. Also, he brought a bat home once and dropped it on our heads when we were in bed. That won't be happening again because we proudly have a bedroom door now. 
  7. There's a dishwasher. While we won't use it all the time, it's a nice option to have it for when company comes over. Not that company ever comes over, but they might. Especially now that we have a spare room.
  8. Beach access. The tiny community I am moving into is actually walking distance to the beach. I am talking ocean beach. Not lakey beach. Salt water from the sea beach! If that's not something to get excited about, I don't know what is. 
  9. New places to go adventuring. Exploring is my middle name. Not really. But I love seeing and experiencing new adventures. I am over the moon about exploring a new area. Who knows what treasures I will find? 
  10. The seventies decor. This place was born in the late seventies, I'm almost sure of it. The wall paper, the wood panelling, the terrible carpet in the closet. And you know what, it's amazing and awesome. To prove the amazingness, I've taken a few photos. Well, the Sidekick has. He sent them to me via his smartphone. 
Here are some pictures to prove it's authentically seventies. 

Check out that French peekaboo window. 

Look at the wallpaper! Classic. 

Wood panelling for every room.

An elusive picture of the Sidekick, and our gaudy mirror and red counter.

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Thongs Are Wrong

Thongs make me feel dirty. Not feet thongs. Butt thongs. This needed to be clarified. Thongs for the feet, otherwise known as flip-flops, don't make me feel dirty. In fact, they make me feel very little at all.

Back to butt thongs, I've owned maybe three in my entire existence, one purchased by someone other than myself, and I've worn them less than the digits on my left hand. I usually pick them up because I think they will be better than full bum undies under a dress. You know how the lines are so annoying and the cut ins that make you look all frumpy and really mess with the hourglass figure you think you have. For the most part, I've always been wrong. Not about the hourglass, but about the g-strings. They never look better to me and, like I said, they make me feel dirty. More than naughty. A little tawdry.

Maybe because I don't wear them I'm not exactly clear on how they are supposed to look, or feel. As far as I can tell, they are uncomfortable. No matter how you cut it, the string of fabric in the back is supposed to go in your butt crack. At this point, I'm out. It's been an ongoing battle since I was a little girl to keep my underwear out of my ass. This might seem like a joke, but it isn't. The truth is, my ass eats everything. It isn't because I buy the wrong size of underwear either. Small, medium, large or even extra-large, they all get gobbled up by my ass. It's hungry. And there's no stopping it.

It once tried to eat the shower curtain. That's a story for another time, though.

So because I've gone my whole life picking wedgies and searching for the perfect boy short, these things called thongs are incomprehensible to me. I mean, they are actually supposed to go right on up there! And apparently I'm supposed to be okay with that.  Well, I'm not.  Whoever invented this must have had an obsession with flossing.

Maybe they are supposed to be sexy, I can't really say, I'm not a good judge on what is sexy and not. All I know is I don't look sexy in a thong, but then I'm not really the 'sexy' type. I can be awkwardly cute and sarcastically pretty. Cynically beautiful. Never sexy.

I guess the point of this blog is to tell you I bought a thong today and instantly regretted it. For some reason, thongs are something I keep coming back to, like a food I hate but continue to try on the off chance I might end up liking it. I don't like thongs, and after all these years, I don't think I ever really will. Give me boy shorts or give me death!

Not really. Death is a bit extreme.

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wordy Wednesday

Welcome to another Wordy Wednesday where we delve deep into the wonderful world of the English language to learn new and/or fascinating words. Today's edition features a relatively new word, only added to the online edition of the Oxford English dictionary in August 2013, and is dedicated to the quintessential British beauty Anne. If not for her abundant love for this enjoyable word I might not ever have known of it.

The word: Omnishambles

Compounded by the Latin word 'omni', meaning 'all', and shambles, referring to a state of utter anarchy. A shambolic (another delectable word) situation that has been mismanaged and made into an epic disaster thanks to miscalculations, blunders and (coarsely put) fuck ups.

First used in the British television program called The Thick Of It in 2009, Omnishambles quickly gained popularity, which isn't surprising considering how it rolls of the tongue with such ease. You may even remember the term Romneyshambles being coined for Mitt Romney in the 2012 presidential election. Interestingly enough, this was the same year omnishambles voted Word Of The Year by the Oxford English Dictionary. Coincidence? I think not.

Despite how fun it is to say, I think we can all agree on the relevance of this word, specifically when we consider the state of the world and the catastrophe we call politics. Of course, there is another word one could use that would trump omnishambles. Clusterfuck. Pardon the language, but that one's perfection. 

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The Darkness Is A Wicked Place

A lot of people are shocked about Robin Williams taking his own life, but I can't say I am. To me, he always seemed to have this air of sadness about him, even when he was at his loudest and most entertaining. For some reason it always felt like a facade, like this was his role for us. All I wanted was for him to turn off the noise and get real. To drop the joking around and get serious for a minute.

His death is probably the realest he's ever been. 

Suicide is tragic. It's always so confusing for people. It's hard to understand how someone so successful and beloved could take their own life. Didn't he have friends? A wife? Family? Yeah, suicide is tragic but it's also not simple. Money and loved ones have nothing to do with it. A scary thought, isn't it? That no matter how rich, successful and loved you are, depression can still get the best of you. Yes, this man had money and people, a wife and kids, who loved him, but he also had a mental illness. 

And mental health is a tricky thing. We all have good and bad days, even those of us who aren't suffering from anxiety and depression. There are highs and lows for us all. Except, some of us can't reason our way out of the lows. Sometimes the lows are so low we can't fathom ever having a high again. The simple act of living another moment in this miserable world is unbearable, so we do something about it. We bow out. 

We all understand the darkness and have experienced at least a fragment of it.What we don't understand is how consuming it can be, how suffocating and daunting, the sinking feeling that it will never get better. For me, death has never been a solution to get out of the darkness, still I know those who have turned towards it for an answer. The thing about suicide is, it doesn't stop things from getting worse. In fact, it only eradicates the hope of it being better. Those people who dwell in the darkness sometimes forget that fact. 

The darkness is a wicked place. If allowed, it will seep in and cloud the senses, dismantling rational thinking and destroying common sense in its wake. When the darkness is at its thickest, you cannot see the good, there is no hope or bright side there. Just an abyss of pain and fear and worry. If we're lucky, light is filtered in through people and things we love. In a room of pitch black, the flicker of a match can be enough to guide us to the other side. Sometimes no light arrives, though. Sometimes the darkness wins.

What I find most tragic is the joy we experience from these people who are trapped in the darkness. Despite the laughter and love they spread, they are broken and lost. Unhappy. Unhealthy. It burdens my heart to see someone exit the stage before their time. To decide they don't want to live here anymore. Live with us. Those are selfish thoughts, for sure, because this isn't about me, or us. It's about the darkness of depression, how heavy it is, how difficult it is to get out from under. 

I am saddened to hear Robin Williams didn't find his way out of the darkness. His demons were only compounded by his addictions, both of which he failed to fully escape, even in death they are haunting him. It's heartbreaking to think he never experienced the same joy he gave to others so freely. I only hope he has found peace wherever he is now.   

Mental illness is an unpredictable beast. The journey is long and hard, repetitious, but if you're lucky you will find the light to pull you through, and keep finding it every time you get lost in the darkness. And I will keep holding a match for you, on the off chance you are looking for my light. 

Monday, August 11, 2014

My Friend Rebs

This weekend my friend visited me. She's quite lovely. Inside and out. A slender creature of undeniable beauty with a passion for terrible television shows and Young Adult novels.

I took her adventuring. She found driftwood and sea shells. We saw an owl. This was the first time I'd seen an owl and it was amazing, but because I only had my phone camera the picture came out unexceptional. No, really. This is the picture of the owl I saw:

Like I said, unexceptional. I assure you, the actual bird sighting itself was far more exciting.

Anyhow, it meant a lot for Rebs to come over and visit. As some of you may know, I relocated about a year and a half ago, leaving my friends and family on the mainland. I didn't just move for a boy. I came for a change of scenery and to fulfill the undeniable desire I had to leave the city. Even though I am not far from my friends or family, about four hours including a ferry ride, I sometimes feel a bit alone over here. Not lonely, though. Never really lonely.

It's funny how life can get in the way of what's important, like friendships and road trips and eating nachos for dinner. Sometimes all you need is to invest a few days into someone you love. This was my weekend to do so.

We reminisced about our Ireland trip. How we drove to Montana in one day (1281 KM). And road tripped down to San Francisco on a whim. We gossiped about the people we used to work with and the stories we've thought up. Movies were watched. Television critiqued. Tea sipped. Food devoured. Laughter and tears released. And a serious friendship reboot was given.

It's true friendships can end, but the most important ones are always there. Even if you move away. Or don't speak for awhile. When you reconnect, it's just like it always was: awesome.

Saturday, August 9, 2014

For Those Undeserving

At times our love seems so ignorant. Not mine and ours. But all of ours. Human love. It has this naive air to it. A new born baby, so demanding and temperamental, throwing a fit and tossing all its toys from the pram. How terrified are we about love? We fear losing it, worry the people we give it to will not protect it as fiercely as we ourselves do, and we e are terrified over losing it, worried the people we give it to will not protect it as fiercely as we ourselves do, and we expect so much in return. Even when we do give it, we are waiting for a reason to take it back. Take it away.

From my experiences, true love doesn't come with conditions, restrictions, or rules. It comes uninhibited and determined. It comes free and vast. It is the winning ticket where the prize is too valuable to understand. Imagine giving love to someone without wanting or needing it in return is boggling to our tiny brains. It is exhilarating to think about. A simple and novel idea, yet seemingly so complex, difficult to accept let alone execute. Because love doesn't conform to one set of rules, because it is flexible and an emotional chameleon, it is near impossible to imagine being able to spread it to those who are most deserving. And the idea of loving those who are deemed unlovable is baffling.

Why would we do such a thing?

Why would we love those we loathe? The ones we hate, who anger us to the point of violence, the ones who provoke our own bad behaviours, who stoke the fires of our cynicism and have us calling for them to reap what they sow, for karma to pay unto them the misery and hurt they've showered onto others. The anger comes easy. To despise those who do atrocious things, unspeakable things, things we cannot accept or understand.

But aren't these undeserving undesirables the ones who truly need love?

There is a simple fact, one most people don't take into consideration, but it's the only truth I am a hundred percent certain of. Happy, healthy people do not hurt others. Happy, healthy people do not torture, rape or murder. Happy, healthy people do not spread misery and hate. So, are these wounded, broken, unhappy people not those who need love the most? To guide them. To heal them. Or, if nothing else, to be the flickering light in the vast darkness in which they dwell?

This is not easy. Not in a world where we coddle our love and worry over who we give it to. How can we possibly extend compassion and love to the broken, lonely, unhealthy people when we have a hard time giving it to those who are good and nice? The answer is plain, with no flashing lights or bells and whistles. Practice. To be able to love everything, everyone, all things big and small, we must practice unselfish love. We must practice giving it without expectations and demands, without wants and needs, without restrictions.

When you find yourself confronted with an unfathomable deed done by a truly wicked person, remember: happy, healthy people don't hurt others. And even in the most horrific circumstances, selfless love does exist, and compassion can be found for even those who seem lost, broken and unlovable.

Friday, August 8, 2014

New Word Document

There's this idea haunting me. A love story. Believe it or not.

Tonight I opened a new word document. This is a first step.

I open the document. I put 'Chapter One' at the top.

And I wait.

Because the words will form and the rush will come in.

This is the grind. This is the process.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Wordy Wednesday

As it turns out, Wednesdays are now something I look forward to. What new and amazing word will I wow myself and others with? This one is a little wacky, and something I know a little too much about. In fact, there are those who might consider this one the focal point of my entire blog. 

The word: Flapdoodle

This slang term is used to describe verbal nonsense, something I know a little about. While the origin is uncertain, the enjoyment isn't. Next time someone is talking complete and utter foolishness, tell them you want nothing to do with their flapdoodle. 

Actually, that sounds a bit tawdry doesn't it? 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

13 Things For Warm Feels

Sometimes all you want is the warm feels. To feel loved and comforted. At home and warm. Safe and sound. Tonight as I sit here wondering why I procrastinated writing this and wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed with the sounds of my dogs snoring, I am thinking about those little things that make us feel good. They are small, seemingly insignificant things that happen to pack a powerful punch.

Here are my top 13 things for the warm feels:

Drinking a glass of water when you're really thirsty.

  • There's something oddly refreshing about feeling the cool liquid rush down your throat and into your belly. Not much can top the reassurance that glass of water brings with it. Alas, you won't dry of dehydration like you feared you would. 

The first swim of the summer.

  • Dipping your toes into the ocean or a lake after keeping your legs hidden for the previous six months is awfully invigorating. On top of that, you can relax because you know there will be many more swims and water wading in your future.  

Applying chapstick to your burning, dry lips.

  • Nothing in the world can match the irritation of needing chapstick and not having it. The indescribably burn and, even though you know you shouldn't, you tell yourself not to, you can't help but lick your stinking lips. Then, your saviour arrives in tube form and you don't even care it's the classic original kind and not spearmint like you really wanted. 

Eating fresh bread right from the oven.

  • They say bread makes you fat. It's true. It does. But as soon as a fresh loaf is pulled out of the oven, fat doesn't matter anymore. It's just you and that bread, and most likely a pad of butter or margarine. 

Getting into a cool, clean bed after being camping. 

  • While the dirtiness of camping is liberating in the most primal of ways, taking a shower and getting into a fresh pair of underwear is only trumped by the feel of those crisp bedsheets as you slide into bed. The only thing better is the best night of sleep waiting for you to drift off into. 

Sinking into a long hot bath after intense exercise.

  • Aching bones, sore feet and angry muscles all rejoice when submerged in hot water. Added bonus if there are candles and bubble bath involved. 
Returning home after a long trip.
  • Being free to travel and explore the vast wonders of the world is an amazing privledge, but it isn't until you are off on a great adventure when you realize how appealing 'home' is. And when your time abroad is over, there is very little that compares to the rush of euphoria when you board the plan, train, bus home. Or the joy you have when you step through the door and feel truly and utterly safe for the first time in days, weeks, months.

Snagging a warm blanket from the dryer and curling up with it.

  • So much comfort comes from warmth. Swaddling one's self in a blanket fresh from the dryer is nothing short of bliss. Of course, some numpty may reason this is because it reminds us of being in the warm womb of our mothers. But they are, of course, drunk, and ruiners of all things amazing. The simple truth of the matter is, we love warm dryer blankets because they are warm and soft and comforting and small cocoons of safety. Duh.
Listening to the sound of rain as you go to sleep.

  • No weather can tame the wild beast of discomfort quite like the rain. All at once it is melancholic, soothing and contenting. As it taps, taps, taps against the window pane, one cannot help thinking how nice it is to be inside, gently being lulled by Mother Nature into a sleep fit for kings. 

Finishing a great book. 

  • Good literature can leave one jealous at times, but great literature lends to its readers only inspiration. A thousand creative sparks have been struck. There is nothing more rewarding than closing a book and knowing those flawed characters, the frustratingly perfect plot and enviable beginning, middle and end will stay with you forever. Or until you find the next great book to gobble up in a sitting and forlornly set aside once finished.  
Learning about heartwarming acts of kindness. 

  • There are so many people pointing out the terrible things in the world. It can be a bit daunting, to say the least. Still, through experience and assumption, I've ascertained for every wrong there are equal or greater rights. It's just the wrongs are forever in the spotlight. This is why we are so quick to snatch up heartwarming acts of kindness and refuse to let them go. There is nothing more rewarding than reading an article about a dog being saved, a kid being surprised, or a couple falling in love all over again. (Well, except maybe doing these things. Maybe that is more rewarding.) Still, we love hearing about the good in people. It validates our existence here and proves the age old saying 'it isn't all bad' is truth.

Laughing until you cry. 

  • Belly laughter so sincere and honest it aches in your guts and tears spill forth from your eyes. Breaths refuse to be drawn. Words come in gasps. And the point you were trying to make is lost in another fit of laughing. Priceless. 


  • Everyone loves pie. Right out of the oven. Made with love. 

Monday, August 4, 2014

Soundtrack To My Life

If my life were a movie right now, these songs would be on the soundtrack. 

1. Matt & Kim - Overexposed - Because it picks me up. Makes me happy. And I dance around to it without any cares. 

2. Queen (Featuring David Bowie) - Under Pressure  - I am sure I will be a diamond after all this pressure is over. 

3. Buck 65 - Indestructible Sam - Perseverance will prevail. Be determined.

4. Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Opium Tea - Well, I'm a prisoner here, yes, but I'm also free. Cause I am what I am and what will be will be. Some opium tea might be nice, actually. 

5. Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - Time To Move On - Time to move on. Time to get going. What lies ahead, I have no way of knowing. 

6. Ani DiFranco - 32 Flavours - A poster girl with no poster. 

7. Violent Femmes - Kiss Off - There's always a precious moment where this song applies to one or many people. 

8. Joe Strummer - Silver & Gold - Gonna kiss all the pretty girls. 

9. Chris Isaak - Somebody's Crying - Every soundtrack needs the emotional song that is essential to hit home the most touching of scenes. 

10. The Submarines - You, Me and Bourgeoisie - Choose love. Choose life. 

Just making it through, one day at a time. 

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Hot Off The Presses

The virtual presses, I suppose. For those of you who don't know, I am part of Pankhearst, an independent writers collective who have been working tirelessly to deliver quality writing that will leave readers saying "Yes, this is exactly what I have been missing in my life." Some of you might remember a little book called Cars & Girls, or not. If you do and you liked my story Roadrunner, then you might be interested to learn I have now had a single published called Mini. It is available for purchase at a very reasonable price and you can find it here.

Like my previous Cars & Girls short, these two stories both have swear words and some sexy stuff in them, and they actually have mention of suicide as well. If you are squeamish or cringe easily at the mention of misery, there is an option to simply purchase the single and not actually read them. That being said, you might actually enjoy them, even if they make you a tad uncomfortable. These two shorts are a bit on the dark side. They feature women, cars, love, lust and a bit of melancholy for balance.

The tracks on my single are as follows. Side A is called Thunderbird and revenge on a cold night is a pivotal plot point. A small town rocked by fear is waiting for the ghost of Amelia Banes to take her next victim. Side B is a tale of the most beautiful suicide and the complexity that often accompanies life.

If you do pick this gem up, please let me know. All feedback is genuinely appreciated. If you like them, or even if you don't, feel free to share them with friends, or even enemies. Because I am a generous lady, here is a random snippet from Thunderbird:

Saturday, August 2, 2014

This Little Lady

Yesterday, there was this amazingly beautiful dog in the trunk of a car out front of my work. I know how alarming that statement is. The trunk was open and the dog had access to the entire car. From where I was sitting, inside my place of employment, perched behind the desk, I watched her standing there, panting and looking incredibly uncomfortable with the situation. Her owners were nowhere to be found, but I figured they were at the restaurant next door because this actually happens a fair bit. The frustrating part being, there is actually an outside dining area where dogs are welcome. 

Anyhow, this little lady had nowhere to go. And no shade. Obviously very well trained, she was watching the door to the restaurant, standing in the trunk. Just waiting. Now, I get the owner probably thought he was being responsible by leaving the trunk open, figuring she couldn't suffocate because she wasn't physically trapped inside the car. 

Except, here's the thing - dogs can't be in direct sunlight for an hour. It can still give them heat stroke. Dogs may like to lie out in the sun, basking in the glory of le soleil, but they often seek shade when they've had enough. And yesterday, the temperature hit a stifling 27 degrees, which felt more like 32, and there I was watching this dog panting, growing more agitated, getting up on the rim of the trunk like she's going to jump out, and looking extremely stressed out. 

Now, I have a healthy respect for all animals. They are, after all, animals and, just like people, their situations can made them grumpy, or protective. It was with this in mind that I decided to give this dog some water. I figured, if she growls and bites me, so be it. I didn't want her perishing of exhaustion right in front of me. So, armed with a bowl of water, I went out to meet her. As soon as she saw me, she jumped out of the trunk and came right over. Not a drop of water was left behind. Clearly, the little lady was thirsty. 

And she was also so lovely. A total sweetheart. After petting her for awhile, I let her into the salon where she hung out, going from one person to the next, seeking out love. When her owner came out to find his dog missing, I quickly let him know where she was and why. He then put her back in the trunk and returned to the restaurant to finish his meal. I have no doubt he probably cared about his dog. He just wasn't very bright. 

First of all, it's far too hot for a dog to be left in a car, even if it is open. That sort of direct heat is uncomfortable for anyone, including a dog covered in fur. Secondly, there are a lot of people who are shy when it comes to dogs, especially one hanging out on its own. With no owner around, what is someone to do if the dog growls or barks, or jumps out of the trunk? If you have a pet, consider them like a child. You wouldn't leave your child in the car unattended, so why is it acceptable to do the same thing with a dog? The answer is: it isn't acceptable. 

Oh, don't worry. I didn't leave her out there in the trunk. I brought her back inside where there was air conditioning, food, water and lots of pets. She stayed with us until her owner finished his meal in the cool restaurant. If you were wondering, no, he didn't say thank you. 

The point of this is to shed light on the reality of the heat on our pets, but also to introduce you to Kilo. A most beautiful dog. She must have had some blue-nose pitbull in her, but a cross with something else as well. She was gentle as a lamb. Quiet. And most definitely one of the most well-behaved pups I've ever had the pleasure of falling in love with. Seriously, I don't condone stealing other people's pets, but I would have taken this one in a heart beat. Just beautiful.  

Friday, August 1, 2014

Winning At Social Media

Today I had a tiny taste of what internet popularity is like and I have to admit it, I kind of enjoyed it. Granted, it was a bit confounding to receive a hundred notifications on Twitter in the span of an hour. Usually, I get about one notification a week. Usually some random person following me only to unfollow me an hour later when I don't follow back. Needless to say, I am not winning at this social networking thing.

For those who didn't know, Facebook went down this morning. By some magical act of holy power, I managed to tweet at the right moment. I don't know how it happened. I was only being a smartass. Usually, I'm not so witty first thing in the AM. Actually, I'm not that witty in the afternoon either.

I will take my stardom. Bask in the glory. And wait until the stars align again.