YouPorn

If you haven't heard of the website YouPorn then you are severely out of date, or perhaps not a pervert like most of the cohabitants of Earth. To sum it up, it is a pornographic version of YouTube. And while there are several 'professional' snippets of pornography, the vast majority of videos are people's personal flicks.

Here's the thing: I'm torn on YouPorn.

While the freak nasty part of me enjoys the ability of having free porn at just a click away. And yet, the other part of me, the high collared-no skin showing-don't look men in the eyes when I shuffle down the street part of me, is completely disturbed by this. Remember when porn was taboo? When we would do a quick look around on the street before popping into Red Hot Video? When we would hide our dirty magazines under our mattresses?

Now we have whole drawers dedicated to these items (usually the bedside table). We have discussion groups. And while Sex & The City wants to take credit for allowing women to discuss their orgasms over brunch, in truth-women were whispering these things long before Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha ever were. Women have been sizing up each others men and alluding to what is done in the bedroom since...well, I don't have a date, but for a long time. What those four NYC tramps did do was take away the embarrassment/shame of it all. Sex has always been there, porns been around forever, but now anyone can be a porn star. Exciting, no?

NO, you're right. NO!!! It is not exciting. I am sick and tired of watching these celebrities acting horrified when their sex-tape is leaked. I'm sorry, but if you're making a sex tape there is only ONE thing you must do-it's sort of like the cardinal rule of sex-tape-making. Always ensure you are in possession of the video. Don't leave it with your ex, don't email it to a friend, don't keep it on your hard-drive at work so the IT guys can copy it. And don't act surprised when you log onto YouPorn and your video has had fifty magillion hits.

Oh, YouPorn, you are enabler, and I don't like it. The other day, I am pretty sure I saw someone I know on YouPorn. Isn't that horrifying? I thought so. And the worse part, I wasn't even on the site trolling for jollies. Nope. I was searching for this funny video called cheeseburger (don't ask) to send to a friend, when Fat Ass Candy With A Fast Ass Black Cock caught my attention. And of course, since the girl looked familiar, I had to click on the link to confirm. Well, the angle was weird-as was the lighting-but I am fairly certain it was her.

I don't want to see people I know knocking boots. I prefer not to know the dick size of the guy who pumps my gas. Call me a prude, I don't care, but I think YouPorn is disturbing. What if I saw one of my old teachers on there? Or worse, one of my siblings! I much preferred my porn less easily accessible, I like to work for my porn. I like to have to click through a hundred pop ups and advertisements. I just want to go back to the old fashioned way of things.