Saturday, February 28, 2009

Say No To Pets

Since the day I was born I had pets.

First and foremost, I had Patches.

He was my first love.

Half great Dane and half best friend. His head was the size of a basketball, his ears were long and he was spotted (hence the name Patches). When I was seventeen, and in grade 12, he died.

Yes, that's right folks, he lived to be 17. This was the first time my heart was broken.

Actually, that's not true. He was not the first pet of mine that I loved that died. There was Buttons, Scooter, Radar, Sesna, Snoop, Spike, Ziggy(the iguana that Mr. Deeter gave me when I was in grade five) and too many others to count. I remember them. They have names and a special place in my heart.

The thing is they always die. Always.

This weekend my mother called to tell me that Yuko has passed on. After being an amazing furry creature for twelve years, and holding a steady place in my heart just as long, she died. I remember when we got her. We went to the dentist in Newton and stopped by the pet store on a whim. She was sitting in the pen all cute and fluffy. Mom phoned dad to see about getting her and dad said to come home and they would talk about it. We didn't go home to talk. We just brought her home.

And I named her Yuko Bailey (Bailey after Scott wolf's character on Part Of Five).

She was so cute and, up until this winter, had been doing okay. Getting old, but that was expected. When I clapped my hands and said, "Whose a puppy?" She would roll on her back and kick her legs in the air. It was the cutest thing ever. And I am terribly sad.

Why do we get pets? They are just heartache.

And we keep doing it. Just get more and more until...?

People who don't have pets say they want them and I say, no you don't because it's going to break your heart when they die. And they will die.

People will say the joy a pet brings out weighs the sadness when it passes on. And it's true. They do. they give you years of unconditional love. And you give them the same in return.

I am going to miss the hairy creature who went by the name of Yuko and whom I called Yukes.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Andy Samberg Will You Marry Me

I have this crazy huge crush on Andy Samberg. He is a perfect example of what a girl means when she says she wants a guy with a sense of humor. I watched hot rod like two years ago and I am still talking about it. Not to mention this guys Blizzardman skit on SNL. He is literally the best thing to happen to SNL since Tina Fey. He is AMAZING. And if you don't this video and it will change your mind.

Oh. My. God.

I don't know what it is but there have been an upsurge of AMAZING commercials.



Thursday, February 19, 2009

Love (to counter act the hate)

Well, yesterday I was a little ball o' hate and I thought to ensure the world doesn't think I am a disgruntled asshole that I should let you know I love things as well. A wide range of things as well.

Here we go:
I love watching the sunrise five out of seven days a week.

I love Bruce Springsteen, he is a fine wine who only gets better with age.

I love commuting with Leppy, usually there is comedy gold.

I love the term comedy gold.

I love the fact that people cringe when I tell them I wash my hair once a week

I love the TV show The Big Bang Theory and the fact that I call the main guy David Gallecki cause he was on Roseanne (I am aware his name is Johnny)

I love the fact that I have a music library in my head.

I love watching Oliver fight with Etnie.

I love reading books.

I love writing books.

I love my owl ring my mom gave me which was her christmas present

I love animals...all of them

I love to hate.

I love the phone message I have on my phone

I love my middle name, I enjoy being a Louise.

I love the idea of pen names.

I love the fact that my mom thought I was going through a phase with being weird. I think she is learning that it isn't.

I love that Rebula gets overly involved with the characters in my books.

I love hating Twilight, yet feel sad that my bashing rubbed of on the Rebs.

I love Sphagetti.

I love confusing people with my antics.

I love making references no one understands.

I love playing Gears of War on line.

I love the plant on my window sill at work, I name her 'Maven'.

I love pirates and cowboys.

I love making art for people.

I love eating popcorn at the movies.

I love the smell of eucalyptus.

I love because I can.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

One Of Those Days

I hate headaches.

I hate the smell of meat.

I hate people who are veg heads who try to force their ways on others. Get over it they don't care.

I hate it when Jay cooks seafood.

I hate it when I'm woken from deep sleep.

I hate it when you don't listen. You never listen.

I hate leaving it up to someone else to tell me how good my teamwork is. BAH

I hate the fact htat I have no Judo skills.

I hate Filet O Fish. Not only the name but the idea of it.

I hate 4:30AM.

I hate people who only put one straw in their slurpees.

I hate it when people don't take me into consideration.

I hate it when girls blame their bad attitudes on their periods.

I hate liars

I hate people who never lie.

I hate it when people speed up when they get past an accident.

I hate other people who think they hate me.

I hate because I can.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Fridays In The Office

Fridays in the office are as loose as Jenna Jamison's vagina and as flexible as Ron Jeremy's morals.

Today is Friday The 13th. So things are that much better. People are saying things like "Happy Friday...THE 13TH"


I hope something bad happens. I can think of one person a hatchet would improve.

It is a mighty fine day to go to Camp Crystal Lake.

If you don't know what I am saying. Get your ass out of the kitchen.

On another note. Tomorrow is Valentine's Day and I am feeling awfully Ba-humbug about that.
I just ain't cut out for this Love thing anymore.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Word Verification

So, I went to comment on Rebula's blog and my word verification really has been specifically selected for me today.

Check it out:

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Baby Bonanza

Today a lady brought her baby into work.

When a baby is brought in, it is as if everything else ceases to exist. All the women's uteruses contract with joy and they jump over walls and cubicals to get to the little bundle of joy. Everyone wants to hold it and smell the baby scent. It is almost as if their biological clocks go into overdrive. Well, to be honest, I don't think most of them have biological clocks anymore. The hands fell off a long time ago.

Regardless, the ladies go baby crazy.

For some reason, the people I have lunch with and me don't feel anything when people bring their babies in. I suppose if it were someone we knew we would go check out the little pooping machine.

When I have a baby work will be the last place I bring it.

First off, I am not dragging my ass out to Burnaby to show off my little shitter.

Second, no one cares.
I might send pictures if they are lucky.  Besides, if they really were interested in my kid wouldn't they come by my house to check the little pooper out?

I get it. Babies are cute. They smell like baby powder when they dont smell like shit and they make goo goo ga ga noises when they aren't screaming their freaking lungs out. I guess I am just lazy and would perfer to enjoy my baby in the comfort of my own home.

That said, I would go anywhere where there is free food. So, if on the off chance someone asks me to bring my little pooping crying machine to work on a day where there will be free food and maybe presents, then I might go.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Friday, February 6, 2009

Gears Of War 2

It isn't just a guy's game.

I've been playing it, a lot. And it is crazy addictive.

Do you know what else is addictive?

Talking to the people you are playing with on-line.

Especially when they find out I am a girl and I am not BAD. They always seemed shocked when I don't die every round.

In general, I am not a fan of shooting games like this. The main reason I DO like it is because I'm not killing humans. I am killing Locust Horde. And, well, they deserve to die.

I did my solo campaign and became way too involved in it.

For example, I was really sad when Carmine died, he was just a rookie and he shouldn't have died. Or when Dom had to shoot his wife because she was crazy and tortured. Or when Tai killed himself.

The truth is, I got a little weepy.

Those Locust Bastards are going DOWN.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Best Commercial Ever

Once in awhile a commercial comes along that makes you laugh so hard you pee your pants.

This one did it for me.

Christian Bale, You Douchebag

Up until today I loved Christian Bale.

Then I listened to him ranting and cussing out a guy on the set of Terminator.

Now, I don't know whether to love him or find him unattractive.

He drops like 36 eff-bombs, which I kind of find impressive.

Of course, someone remixed his rant. And it's solid comedy gold.

One Shoe, Two Shoe, Red Shoe, Blue Shoe

When I am at work I have this uncontrolable urge to look at the shoes of the other people in the stalls.

I do this for two reasons:

1. If one of my buddy's are in there I can have a little chat.

2. So that I know who is making the awful sounds/smells that are circulating around the room.

I am six years old, apparently.

The thing is, I know that there are other people out there like me who do this and I have this huge fear that I am going to bend over to take a peek and upside down eyes will be looking back at me.

Don't judge me and don't pretend you dont know what I am talking about.

P.S. I also laugh when you fart.

Monday, February 2, 2009

I Am A Jerk

Today I was supposed to hang out with Leppy.

Of course, I bailed on her. The ski trip reeked havoc on my mind and body and I ain't feeling too hot.

Anyways, I did feel bad for cancelling.

But then when we were hanging up the phone I said "Don't get mad Christene Get even"
What a douche Baggery thing to say.

And then I realized. I'm such a jerk.