Saturday, December 27, 2008

A Word Of Advice

Don't tell people you are writing a book. Or that you have wrote a book.

If you tell people these things you won't be greeted with eagerness or excitment, you will be greeted with defensiveness, the "What do you have to write a book about?" attitude.

No really. You will.

Even people who are suppose to support you, like your family, won't do it.

I can tell you right now what they will say....
"What are you going to do with it?"
"Do you know how hard it is to get published?"
"You don't know how hard it's going to be to do anything with it."

Here are a few answers you shouldn't say back because people don't like to hear them:

1. I was thinking about using it as a means to prop up my coffee table.
2. Oh, so have you ever written a book?
3. Now that I am finished I was thinking about burning it
4. Well, I will be sure not to mention you in the dedication.
5. Shut up.

If on the off chance you find someone interested in what you wrote you will soon discover that they are just itching to compare it to something already written.

"Oh, wasn't that already done? Didn't Stephen King write a short story similar to that in 1981? Really, your idea just sounds so familer."

Here is my advice to you.

Just don't mention it. And when you do get it published. Gloat gloat gloat gloat gloat.

Friday, December 26, 2008

My New Thing

Doing nothing.

This is pretty much all I do.


It has a nice ring to it.

I am tired of people asking me what I do and not believing me when I tell them nothing.

I really am doing nothing.

Nothing has changed. Everything is the same. Nothing is nothing.

Same job, same house, same BF and same cat.

Nothing is nothing.

People don't like to hear nothing is happening. They want adventure. They want excitement.

Well, if you want those things, you are barking up the wrong tree if you're looking at me for it.
If you want those sort of things you would be better off picking up a Choose Your Own Adventure book.

(Do they even make those any more?)

I often find people who don't have their own crap going on want to live through others.

Leave me alone.

I am doing nothing...just like you.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Can See Clearly

And all it cost me was 468 dollars and no cents. 

Can you believe that? 

But its nice because now you don't have a blurry face when your more than three feet away from me. 

Anyways, I have been having severe headaches - to the point where I contemplated shooting myself in the face to make them stop. Instead, I got my eyes checked out and splurged on 200 dollar armani frames. Of course, the lenses only cost me 175. 

I love that everything in this world is beyond expensive. 

I don't have that kind of money.

 It's a good thing that I have that type of credit. 

At least this way when I rob a bank I'll be able to see my getaway car clearly.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The World

When I look at the world, something I do on a regular basis, it scares the crap out of me. I sit back and wonder, what have we done? And can we reverse the damage the Earth's incured during our stay here? The big picture isn't very reassuring.

According to science, which is what I believe in, the Earth has been around for 4.5 billon years. That's a long time to me. But then I think about humans.

Humans as they look today have only been around for 200 thousand years. That's only a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. And then I think, look how much we've messed things up in that time!

It baffles me.

And leaves me confused over what we will do in the next 100 years.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Is that a T-Rex?

So, I'm sitting at working, staring out my window, day dreaming a little, when a large reptile like creature with stubby arms and big teeth walks by.

His name is Ralph and he's a T.Rex.

Who saw this coming? Well, I did.

Did you hear? They are trying to clone a dinosaur!


Most likely a scientist with way too much money and a holier than thou attitude whose Auntie Bertha gave him a toy plastic dinosaur when he was six and has been obsessed with Deano the Dino ever since.

Does this seem like a smart idea to you?

No, it doesn't. We all know what's going to happen.

It's called Jurassic Park and, if I remember correctly, it ended badly!

Didn't they have to flee the island because the dinos went buck wild?

You know what's amazing? People sticking their noses in things they should stay out of!

Now lets discuss the Large Hadron Collider... :-/

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Starchy Starchy Goodness

I often find myself thinking about the potato.

Is it just me or is there no bad tasting form of the potato?

Potato = Delicious Goodness

The best is French Fries. Everyone loves FF. They are golden sticks of awesomeness.

Then their are mashed. No matter how you do these, creamed, garlic, lumpy, potatoes of the mashed variety kick major hinney.

The baked potato is also one of my favorites. With lots of margarine, chives and cheese. It's heaven in a little football form.

To be honest, it's been awhile since I've partaken in the scalloped potato, but from what I remember, they were divine. 

Who doesn't love tater tots?

Or Curly fries?

Or wedges?

Or hashbrowns?

Potato pancakes anyone?

Its just proven Potatoes are one of the best foods in the world.

Even the word potato is fun!

You can also call them tattie, tater, spud, tato, pota, spudzie or tate.

Did you know that the potato plant flowers?

It does.

Saturday, July 19, 2008


I go through life with the knowledgemy cat has cognitive thinking. His soul purpose on this planet is to make people go "what the eff is up with that cat?"

The other night, we got sushi for dinner. To make a long story short, we had tempura. There was only one piece left, a zucchini.We're sitting there, watching the TV, and Etnie jumps onto the table, sticks his head in the takeout container, and grabs the tempura piece in his mouth.

It was a fairly large piece, too.

He carries it over to the laptop and starts muching away.

Its funny because it's Etnie and he is eating a huge piece of tempura.

Eight years ago, I might have thought this sort of food item wouldn't have been kitty approved.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Love To Love to Love You

This is it. 

The big day. 

The day people the world over decide to let the ones they love know they are loved. To show them they care, that they are special. 

This is the day we buy them gifts, we make cards, go out for nice dinners and, if all goes as planned, do the nasty with them. 

We kiss, smile and have a little more patience with them. The 14th is the day  we tell them how beautiful or handsome they are. 

Often, we reminise about how we met them, how long we have cared for them and we think about the first moment we loved them. We think about our first kisses, our first dates and the first time we exchanged out 'I love you's'. On this special day we dress up, put on make-up, do our hair and make our selves smell nice; often we even shave, our faces, our armpits, our legs and even our unmentionables.

And then I sit back and ask:

Why does it have to be one day?